i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
