just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
