Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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