I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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