i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
