Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
