Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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