My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we're making bets on your personal life
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
