How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize