Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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