I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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