rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You made out with two different species that night
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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