Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
