I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
