Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize