He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
