The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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