I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
