4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My liver just broke up with me...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
