Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
