So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize