um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize