chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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