i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
