from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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