I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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