Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
