dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
