Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
