Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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