I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
