Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
