I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
