he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
