I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
