I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
