So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
