When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
