Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize