OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
