Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
