she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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