I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
