you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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