Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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