I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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