Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My penis needs a shock collar
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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