talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
