But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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