I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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