Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
