$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize