her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
