i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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