You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
