So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
