He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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