So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
