she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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