Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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