I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Randomize
