im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
