dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize