I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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