you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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