she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize