My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
