so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
