last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
