When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
