There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
