I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
