I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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