he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
