Umm I'm too high to move.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
