The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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