READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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