Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
