While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
