I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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