She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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