very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
