I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
