he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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