i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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