maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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