clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize