why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
