You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
