I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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