If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
