i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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