watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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