it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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