Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
