Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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