so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
