Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hate all girls vehemently.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
