I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
