Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
