Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
