Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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