Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
