i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
