her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
