How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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